Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Of Spiders and Men!

Nishanth being the best of the worst of sooth-sayers I know, yesterday predicted the future of the life of a tiny inconspicuous insect.

I, myself am quite a bit of a soothsayer and had rightly predicted on the 19th of September,2004 that his next birthday would fall on the 19th of September, 2005.
And Lo! and Behold! what great surprise it was when his birthday actually did fall on the 19th, which was yesterday. Heralding this momentous occasion in my short career, I take this opportunity that according to Venus' unusually elliptical orbital movements and Pluto's irregular rotation, I predict that Nishanth's birthday should fall on the 19th of September, next year.

Now, getting back to the insect, which I must describe before proceeding further.
This insect, surely from a place FAAAR away from civilization, descended from above. Although initially dismissing it as another plain old spider, a closer look made me stare up in the sky to look from any flying saucers, or even tea-cups, for that matter, which could have dropped it in an effort to take over the world with the help of such eccentric creatures.

Now, this particular creature had chosen to descend on nothing but my wonderful Golden Scooter. This fella, had the body of a spider and even looked like a spider! It was a tiny little spider, the size of a pea but had the most deadly, the most mesmerizing, the most gripping of eyes, eyes as big as a tarantula's , and when our eyes met, it seemed a wonderful concussion was suffered by both of us. As it pierced into my eyes, Nishanth, known for his prowess at predicting the future, remarked that this spider like creature was surely going to come home with me. And now me, as an acute sufferer of the severest forms of Arachnophobia, would have bashed up poor Nishanth had it not been his birthday.

All this forgotten, as I was happily riding home, I felt something move up my arm. Used to the zephyr one experiences while riding on a cool, Bangalore evening, I dismissed it; but a minute later , I saw the notorious, infamous spider now trying to begin its mission of taking over the world by biting me, with the goal of my body spreading with its incurable, alien poison, to take possession of my brain by lodging itself in my Cerebellum and eventually using my brain-power(which I must admit, I have very little of) to take over the world, I decided that the world should not be ruled by these Arachnids. Mustering all forms of courage and getting rid of the deadly fear, I having thread on the paths of Gandhi( ok, atleast in part, loving all things having the picture of Gandhi, especially the green buck or two), decided to shoo it away.

Forgetting for a moment how a Jain college Stud would have reacted( by rolling out a cigarette, a la mode, Rajni style, lighting it and stubbing it on the poor creature(thanks Amar!)), I foolishly looked down at the creature and try to shoo it away with my hand. In the process, the creature surely fell down(landing again on my wonderful Golden Scooter), I banged into an innocuous looking fella on a cycle. As with all things innocent, this fell turned out to be the most wretched of creatures and started hurling the choiciest of kannada abuses. I was about to start singing "Taliban Alla Alla" and make him flee from his life , when the spider came back, clinging my hand all along with a silvery, glistening thread.

With one final shoo, it fell down into oblivion. But when I reached home, I found that the creature had liked my scooter so much that it had still stayed back.

With a surge of pity, I picked it up with a leaf, yes, glittering thread and all lest it decides to come back and gently made it comfortable behind the comfort of a cool green pot in my house.

So, here ends the story of this wonderful insect, an insect which surpassed all tested boundaries of perseverance and succeeded in coming home with me.
Now, if someone could just give Nishanth a kick in the butt and warn George Bush of spiders trying to take over the world, my work here would be finished.

1 comment:

Shreyas said...

i cant believe tht spider followed u to home.. u ve not only got aracnophobia but u r scared of anything tht is small and flies..ha ha..no denials they do look scary sometimes..i think tht spider had some feelings 4 u man..now u don have to shoo it away..(shy is coming)wat if the insect really likes u..(is it a spider in the 1 st place)(i dunno)( it defitely looked like one man)dude ur blog is fantastic man..it s just as hilarious as anyone else s man..its funny.. wat bcame of the spider finally(sorry man i just cant forget bout it man)..did u propose and marry it off..come to think of it..think bout it man if u don wanna marry a woman can u marry spiders..i mean they will scare u and all..but wats the difference man..women also can scare u know( ill stick to women if u don mind)(suggest u do the same)..but who the hell cares..2 mins or no two mins man ur blog rocks man..cya bye enjoy..