A barbarous Assassination

Waking up this morning, I immediately slept again.

And After waking up again, taking all the benefits of having parents gone out of station, I generously helped myself to an early morning Coke, had a bath , and slept again.

Sleeping being my favourite time-killer, this time it had disastrous consequences, not on me, but on my hair. Waking up, I found my hair almost unable to comb [not that I do that too often] and found my comb full of my now broken, precious, long [having an exact measurement, on average of 3.5 inches] hair. Sighting the remaining million or so still left on my head, I decided to save them from this catastrophic future, and decided to finally (after March 22, precisely) visit my barber.
.
After having eluded my barber for long, I finally had to give in to this dastardly ritual of mine. Having resisted the opportunity, the urge and the desire to let my hair stay long, I , sighting Vikram’s example[ who is in my B.Com class and the other day turned up with his 3 feet long hair chopped into pieces of 3 centimeters, making him almost unrecognizable. However, mind you, the multitude and assortment of hair colour on his hair remained.]

Now, my barber being a perfectly aware of my tendency to disagree to his superfluous suggestions, this time too made it a point to suggest a new, wacky and crazy hairstyle. This ritual of him suggesting and me vehemently disagreeing has been going on since I was in 6th, and each of the new hairstyles he suggests , according to him would make me a favorite among “hen-makulu”[ which , for the not so kannada savvy, is girls] .
As I entered, eyeing my fairly long hair suspiciously, he immediately pounced on me, and this time, he suggested an all time favourite of his, the style with very little hair on the middle of my scalp and letting long hair on the sides. I have always viewed him as Frankenstein’s Creator, trying stupid, crazy experiments on none other than Yours’ Truly, and each time meeting with the same nonchalant NO! from me. Why do I get to be Frankenstein? Why ?

Anyway, he almost fell in shock when I told him that I wanted nothing but a simple, plain straight-forward hairstyle rather than an unusually unusual hairstyle. For some reason, the expression on his face seemed to suggest that I always go in for the most outlandish of hairstyles and this time, had mended my ways.

Having the uncanny ability to see through all my expressions, that noble fellow began berating me with all the importance of being in Jain College and having a good [ which to him meant outlandish] hairstyle, with lots of multicoloured hair dyes, each colour trying to take possession of my hair.

Now furious at my indignation of not going for a “funky” hairstyle, he finally began to chop away my hair barbarously [is that why he is called a barber?], vehemently, not taking the pains of doing so gently. As I saw my pretty locks fall, I wanted to run away, protect the hair I had cultivated for so long. But that cunning fellow had hindered my movement by tying me with an apron like cloth, supposed to prevent hair from falling on my clothes, but now I know of its true purpose. Hah!.

What was a plainly humiliating experience, I looked up after the grueling experience came to an end 12 minutes later. Looking up in the countless mirrors in his shop, I finally saw myself again, literally. My hair cut down to a minuscule part of what it could have been in another 3 months time, and I finally saw my face again.

Heck! I didn’t know that I had brown eyes, and a nasty pimple had come up in these three months on my forehead. Now that the hair covering it all is gone, I paid my barber who gave my hair another suspicious look and let me go.

Outside, I touch the ground having survived another barbarous session with the barber, I now look forward to the new look “Jang!” [ and yes, with brown eyes] , with a shorter school boy look, that makes me look like, well, a school boy.

And does anyone know a good barber in my vicinity?

Of Spiders and Men!

Nishanth being the best of the worst of sooth-sayers I know, yesterday predicted the future of the life of a tiny inconspicuous insect.

I, myself am quite a bit of a soothsayer and had rightly predicted on the 19th of September,2004 that his next birthday would fall on the 19th of September, 2005.
And Lo! and Behold! what great surprise it was when his birthday actually did fall on the 19th, which was yesterday. Heralding this momentous occasion in my short career, I take this opportunity that according to Venus' unusually elliptical orbital movements and Pluto's irregular rotation, I predict that Nishanth's birthday should fall on the 19th of September, next year.

Now, getting back to the insect, which I must describe before proceeding further.
This insect, surely from a place FAAAR away from civilization, descended from above. Although initially dismissing it as another plain old spider, a closer look made me stare up in the sky to look from any flying saucers, or even tea-cups, for that matter, which could have dropped it in an effort to take over the world with the help of such eccentric creatures.

Now, this particular creature had chosen to descend on nothing but my wonderful Golden Scooter. This fella, had the body of a spider and even looked like a spider! It was a tiny little spider, the size of a pea but had the most deadly, the most mesmerizing, the most gripping of eyes, eyes as big as a tarantula's , and when our eyes met, it seemed a wonderful concussion was suffered by both of us. As it pierced into my eyes, Nishanth, known for his prowess at predicting the future, remarked that this spider like creature was surely going to come home with me. And now me, as an acute sufferer of the severest forms of Arachnophobia, would have bashed up poor Nishanth had it not been his birthday.

All this forgotten, as I was happily riding home, I felt something move up my arm. Used to the zephyr one experiences while riding on a cool, Bangalore evening, I dismissed it; but a minute later , I saw the notorious, infamous spider now trying to begin its mission of taking over the world by biting me, with the goal of my body spreading with its incurable, alien poison, to take possession of my brain by lodging itself in my Cerebellum and eventually using my brain-power(which I must admit, I have very little of) to take over the world, I decided that the world should not be ruled by these Arachnids. Mustering all forms of courage and getting rid of the deadly fear, I having thread on the paths of Gandhi( ok, atleast in part, loving all things having the picture of Gandhi, especially the green buck or two), decided to shoo it away.

Forgetting for a moment how a Jain college Stud would have reacted( by rolling out a cigarette, a la mode, Rajni style, lighting it and stubbing it on the poor creature(thanks Amar!)), I foolishly looked down at the creature and try to shoo it away with my hand. In the process, the creature surely fell down(landing again on my wonderful Golden Scooter), I banged into an innocuous looking fella on a cycle. As with all things innocent, this fell turned out to be the most wretched of creatures and started hurling the choiciest of kannada abuses. I was about to start singing "Taliban Alla Alla" and make him flee from his life , when the spider came back, clinging my hand all along with a silvery, glistening thread.

With one final shoo, it fell down into oblivion. But when I reached home, I found that the creature had liked my scooter so much that it had still stayed back.

With a surge of pity, I picked it up with a leaf, yes, glittering thread and all lest it decides to come back and gently made it comfortable behind the comfort of a cool green pot in my house.

So, here ends the story of this wonderful insect, an insect which surpassed all tested boundaries of perseverance and succeeded in coming home with me.
Now, if someone could just give Nishanth a kick in the butt and warn George Bush of spiders trying to take over the world, my work here would be finished.

Talk the Walk!

Today being another one of those lovely days when you just don't feel like waking up, I didn't wake up. Having religiously maintained my attendance all this week, i felt obliged, no compelled, to bunk this day off. If I hadn't, it could have tarnished my Stud Boy Image.

Thank God I Did!

I love sleeping;
and I just love walking.
and as a natural conclusion, I also love sleep-walking[thats somnambulism, for those of you who are geeky enough to admit that your geeky].

Also, i remember those long walks, some of which, often encompassed the entire lunch break, first alone [ Class 1 - 5] , then, Atul, Deepash , Ankush and sometimes, Niranjan, with ofcourse , Abhilash.[ that was Class 6].

In Class 7, it was Deepash and Abhilash . In 8th , it was Deepash again, Abhilash again and sometimes Javed, Satish and Shri Hari.

Class 9 and 10 it was Abhilash , Deepash and Hitesh.

But I must admit the best school-walks came in Classes 11 and 12.I had a huge list of "Strolling Partners" as I prefer calling them, they being everyone from Nikhil, Shashanka, Shreyas, Ketan, Punit , Siddharth , Pavan, Atul , Satya, Deepak[ who was scary,atleast if the aimless stroll led to the Rest-room] and ofcourse Deepash, all the time missing old Abhilash.

We spoke about every damn thing below those lovely monsoon clouds[ me am following George Orwell's "Principles" to not use frequently used expressions], sometimes even pushing off before and after "Foo's Crash Course", "Mercy's Merciless Course" and "Pa's Toothless Course". I suppose "Nayeem's Sleeping Course" and "Neelam's Jaaahn Course" were always forgiven by me.

Shashanka and Deepash and myself had established quite a tradition of walking off in the short breaks with anyone breaking the tradition being looked down upon as a traitor having committed the national crime of giving Pa a smooch on the forehead or having asked Foo to attend Classes more regularly.

Well, and now coming to my "Wonderful" College, i still have the long walks, and now it's Amar. The best part being that, the world's[ ok, atleast K.R. Road] is our campus, with College having too little room for someone to even stand.

Yes,I love sleeping;
and I just love walking.
as a natural conclusion, I also love sleep-walking.

My Wish List!

With Christmas just round the corner, 100 days to be precise, I have decided to draw up a tentative list of the things I would wan't for Christmas.
I really don't care who buys what as long as I get them all, and yeah!, I even give you the oppurtunity to speak behind my back, getting it all arranged to give me a grand surprise(which I would prefer at 1:30 outside BASE on 25th December, or earlier. So let it be a surprise)

Starting off in 3...2...1

1. I-Pod Photo U2 special 60 Gb
2. A T3 connection for my House, with a promissory note to pay the monthly bills
3. All the Hero pens in the world, (Don't bother with the ink, i have it all planned out)
4. Most Kannada songs ripped on to DVD
5. X-Box 360, which should launch around then, but you could also pre-order it on Amazon if like me so much
6. A Maybach, Black preferable, others would also do just fine, but keep the pink pale
7. An Alien-ware PC
8. A funky-jazzy bike for me to go to College as a Stud boy,
9. An ultra light shrinking machine so that I can sneak back to our lovely lovely school as a LKG kid, On second thoughts, you think i need one?'
10. Unlimited petrol, (Whoever is buying my Maybach, could you arrange for this too??)
11. Pink Tie!
12. Eagle Head Belt Buckle!
13. A B-2 bomber, I promise not to bomb anyone after reading 'Diameter of The Bomb', this is just for posterity's sake.
14. Nokia N90
15. An I-River 40 Gb.
16. A villa opposite Jain College, where I stare at all the Stud Boys and Girls.
17. A healthy allowance which would make Bill William Gates III proud would also be nice, thank you very much!


As I said , this is only tentative and you could get along anything else you want for dear old me!

And now, I am off to learn driving, preparing for my Maybach you see.

Another Day! Another Memory!

Today was a significant day at Jain College, a very significant day with a lot of significant events happening.

To start with the most insignificant of the significant events , we got our Maths papers today and needless to say Amar did extremely well!
Me ??
Well, move on.

Then , we had the wonderful Jain College uniform day with all the Jain College B'Com Studs wearing funky White shirts and black pants. Its really amazing how creative my fellow batch-mates can get, even with a plain white shirt then manage to look so 'Studdish'.

Then, ofcourse, GKR 's ghoul got into our Accounts teacher and he too wanted to have a look at Amar's book. Well, they really can't help it cause he does have such a magnetic personality.

Then , the grand finale was the funky, groovy, jazzy pink tie Abhinav wore, a tie I would wan't to own one day, a tie i would like to be seen buried wearing (or wearing buried,as the case maybe!

Professions ! Professions !

After having tried my hands at alchemy, growing cocoa in Central America and playing music( to the extent of eliciting a wonderful cacophony), i have finally decided to get rid of the world's financial problems by choosing, or rather, being forced to choose to become a Chartered Accountant.

Well, since i hate numbers, spreadsheets and tortuous laws, i feel i have always been destined to try my hands at this as yet ominous profession too.

On second thoughts, however, i might plan to buy out CNN [ yes , thats CNN ] , if time permits, once i figure out what i might do with it.
[ DISCLAIMER :: In clear violation of all existing (and non-existant) copyright laws , my local cd rental guy has named his small haven of "camera - phrint " hindi movies and tons of sleaze as CNN!]

After the ambitious take-over(even old Teddy can't prevent me from this! Ha! HA!) , I plan to rightfully hand over all existing sleaze to Satya(with the potential risk of losing a potential super customer), all movies with treasures and paheli's and anything even remotely connected to them to Ol' King Amar, all racing movies (yes, Dhoom included) to Deepash, the tear-jerkers to Shreyas(i promise , Shreyas, if ur reading this, to apologise for this over the phone) and the ever famous Rajni's to Deepak ofcourse.

But thats if at all i plan to take over.
Till then, adios!

Crap, Crap, Crap, I write, who will read my blog!/ Tu Tuu Tutu Tu Tu Tu

I hate writing two blogs within a span of 2 minutes! But i still have to do it . ( I can tell my mom i am increasing my typing speed if she asks me what i do on the comp typing away rapidly)

So, am i going to regularly update the blog??
Well, obviously,
NO!

Do i like reading my own blog?
Well, obviously,
NO, again!

Does Jain College rule?
Yeah, i know, u can answer this too.,
NO!(phew!)

Do i know that i am writing crap?
How can u know this unless u read minds? That too through a computer;)
The answer to this is ,
well,
obviously,
YES!

Hence, I stop!

Well, I hate Cracking exams anyway

Seems like my 17 years (of unemployment ) have been gracefully extended to maybe 40 ( I love being optimistic, always.)
And i have also caught the Amar bug!
I have started loving puzzles, blogging , thinking!, and doing nothin' at all.
By the way, is this curable?? Hopefully not!

Bye for now.

P.S. Why the heck did i put this when have nothing more to say??
Amar, help!!!