WARNING: None of this will make sense. This is for my memory. Don’t read further.
These last two days were horrible, tormenting, agonizing, ghastly, awful and terribly boring.
I, with my college compatriots, was asked to attend this anguishing program called “Vishwa- Chaitanya”. Now, there were people complaining about Satanic messages hidden in the program. I am not sure. I was too sleepy to notice anything significant.
There were a number of specimens of the most evolved category who spoke to us about various topics. And since I am not a sadist always, I shall not torment you too by rehearsing what we learnt, or at least what we were supposed to learn.
What was most tormenting of all was that we were not allowed to keep phones. What is generally a saving grace during boring lectures in college here were deprived from us poor, hapless souls.
And while we were there, we were taught the essence of erotic, ridiculous postures and the benefits of them to the human body. We also were given the chance to observe that candles have a transparent vacuum like thing in between, although we were expected to learn the power of concentration while this was happening.
The funniest character there was this Colonel dude. He was a gem, a person whom I’ll remember for at least some hours to come.
He was a dictator-lunatic-Pa , in the order to which he likened himself. This rascal of a person had the bile to dictate terms with our class kingpin, GK. I felt so very insulted. He also commended us stupid people for having taken up commerce, a subject which requires no thinking at all. We were flattered.
He also claims to have invented war simulators (LoSeR??) or something on the lines of that with the knowledge of trigonometry and without the knowledge of Calculus. A great contribution indeed to mankind. He loved speaking about “bombing the Paki’s”, and his tendency to bunk college. I loved him for his guts, and hated him for his guts.
As if all this was not enough, a frightening old lady, who would be celebrating her 216th birthday this year, taught us how to concentrate better using the mind. Pa’s classes’ coaching paid off. I dozed with my eyes wide open.
The lady still gives me the creeps. Imagine driving on a state highway at night. It’s dark all around. And there’s no one in front, no one behind. Out of nowhere, an old lady draped in white appears right in the middle of the road. It was scary, especially when the highway was an auditorium and the room was completely dark.
I need a psychiatrist.